I’ve been on the hunt for jobs lately and have found myself amused, frustrated and straight-up perplexed by a few ads I’ve come across. In particular, the controversially named ‘creative’ positions (which generally amount to advertising roles, but worded in incredibly flamboyant ways).
In response, I decided to write my own job ad. I hope it will entertain others who are in a similar position and provide some light relief from the weird (and sometimes pretentious) world of job searching.
Happy new year!
Hi!
Are you a creative genius with a surgical eye for detail, a smile carved onto your face and a genetically modified amount energy? Are you a leaper not a jumper, faster than a calculator and everybody’s friend, with at least 5 years experience working in Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, Powerpoint, Excel, felt tip pens, international politics and subterfuge?
Then you might have what it takes!
Here at Amazing Incredible, we don’t do things by half, we do them by a whole and a half!
You might also have noticed (because of your eye for detail – if you didn’t then you’re already fired) that we love to use exclamation marks! That’s because everything we do is amazing (and incredible)!
We work with the world’s top brands (even though every other company says that) to make their wildest dreams come true (we produce ads). But more than that, we strive to make sure everything we do for our clients is so eye-wateringly spectacular that they actually leave us with tears in their eyes. After all, we want people to be in love with us, not just pay us.
The Good Stuff
– Free grilled quinoa on toast every morning, a pint of coffee and sourdough macaroons
– Tricycle racing around our own purpose-built track (on the roof!)
– bouncy balls
– an office orangutan
What we ask for in return
- You’ll be bold first of all, preferably have a beard, possess bombastic design skills, bounce with energy (did we mention beard?) and love other great-sounding words beginning with B!
- You must be a team player but also enjoy working on your own, be consistent yet adaptable, bleed creativity and also be hyper-numeric; in other words, an extremely conflicted individual!
Pay
Who cares when we’re such an extraordinarily fabulous company to work for?
Benefits
10% off beard combs from John Lewis
Free Friday drinks at Wanko’s Gin and Sourdough Pizza Bar
Stupid games to play (because Google do stuff like that, don’t they?)
More coffee!
If, after reading this, you’re not feeling physically sick or experiencing the shakes, send us an email at howdypartner@ai.com telling us how you would keep the fires of creativity burning from atop the gleaming spire of our brand-building beacon!
Alex J Rankin 
What about jumping through hoops and plate spinning? I have very defined duties in my role but have to be as flexible as possible – contortionism would help.
It always seems to be the way; Here’s what the job entails, however you also have to be prepared to do anything else that might come up. And have the skillset.
Bundobust!