I’ve been on the hunt for jobs lately and have found myself amused, frustrated and straight-up perplexed by a few ads I’ve come across. In particular, the controversially named ‘creative’ positions (which generally amount to advertising roles, but worded in incredibly flamboyant ways). In my view, these are an insult to genuinely creative people who produce work of artistic merit or expression. They also talk a lot of bollocks.
In response, I decided to write my own job ad. I hope it will entertain others who are in a similar position and provide some light relief from the weird (and sometimes pretentious) world of job searching.
Happy new year!
Are you a creative genius with a surgical eye for detail, sickly amounts of enthusiasm, doesn’t know tired, a smile carved onto your face, leaper not a jumper, amazing at numbers and everybody’s friend, with at least 5 years experience working in Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator, Powerpoint, Excel, felt tip pens, international politics and subterfuge?
Then you might have what it takes!
Here at Amazing Incredible, we don’t do things by half, we do them by a whole and a half!
You might also have noticed (because of your eye for detail – if you didn’t then you’re already fired) that we love to use exclamation marks! That’s because everything we do is amazing (and incredible)!
We work with the world’s top brands (even though every other company says that) to make their wildest dreams come true (we produce ads). But more than that, we strive to make sure everything we do for our clients is so eye-wateringly spectacular that they actually leave us with tears in their eyes. After all, we want people to be in love us, not just pay us.
The Good Stuff
– Free grilled quinoa on toast every morning, a pint of coffee and sourdough macaroons
– Tricycle racing around our own purpose built track on the roof (with incredible views of everything cool)
– An office orangutan to hang out with on your lunch break
– bouncy balls
What we ask in return
- You’ll be bold first of all, preferably have a beard, possess bombastic design skills, brave, bouncing with energy (did we mention beard?) and love other great-sounding words beginning with B!
- You must be a team player, but also work fine on your own, be consistent yet adaptable, bleed creativity and also be hyper-numeric; in other words, an extremely conflicted individual!
- You will literally shit ideas.
Who cares when we’re such an extraordinarily fabulous company to work for?
10% off beard combs from John Lewis
Free Friday drinks at Wanko’s Gin and Sourdough Pizza Bar
Stupid games to play (because Google do stuff like that, don’t they?)
If, after reading this, you’re not feeling physically sick or experiencing the shakes, send us an email at email@example.com telling us how you would keep the fires of creativity burning from atop the gleaming spire of our brand-building beacon.